I enjoyed that World Cup.
And that's despite the blatant corruption on display.
But if you can't beat them, join them.
So here are my super smart ideas for FIFA
to make even more
$$$
on the World Cup.
#1. Every team gets to choose one actor or celebrity as their assistant coach
Increased viewership via cynical effective celebrity participation.
#2. Continue halftime show nonsense spectacle but extend halftime to 1 hr for extra long show and multiple premium sponsorship and advertising slots
Match outcome irrelevant. Large quantities of Fergie, Slash, and mucho mucho dineros.
#3. "Winter World Cup" in 2 years on its own 4 year cycle, like the Winter Olympics.
Exclusively hosted in Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, and/or Bahrain for climate and oil-money considerations.
#4. FIFA President promoted to FIFA Emperor with corporate-sponsored FIFA Lord Protector established to drive additional revenue and absorb corruption allegations.
Jeff Bezos recommended for visual and ethical synergy.
#5. Football design should be plain
white with only the logo of the FIFA
Lord Protector's corporate brand.
Establishes a mutually beneficial co-branding opportunity.
#7. Fans can vote to cancel red cards
or request missed VAR checks by
scanning a QR code and paying a
small fee to FIFA.
Audience participation = audience monetization.
If proceeds reach certain thresholds based on the
voting nation's GDP the vote is passed and
relayed to the on-pitch ref.
#8. Heads of state can cancel yellow
and red cards after matches by paying
a GDP-determined fee directly into the
FIFA Emperor's personal bank account.
The newly sovereign FIFA nation receives a 10% cut to help with road maintenance and other miscellaneous nation building works.
#9. In Group Stage each team gets
anywhere between 8-11 players on the
pitch, determined prior to each match
via an auction that coaches must bid on.
Highest bidder gets 11 players on the pitch, with number of players reducing by one for each team in order of bid amount.
Auction is televised for extra entertainment & ad revenue.
#10. In Knockout Stage/Finals, Messi
plays every match and automatically
plays for the nation with the highest
GDP.
Lower GDP nations can purchase a "Messi Pass"
to acquire him instead. Higher GDP nations can block this by buying a "Messi Save", but as a result Messi must play
goalkeeper for maximum entertainment/meme/ad revenue opportunities.
Bonus Idea: FIFA hires Christian the
World Cup Genius
I'm bursting with other revenue-generating ideas.
Oh honourable Emperor of the FIFA Nation, you would prove
your wise and natural right to govern the
beautiful game by hiring this Michelob ULTRA® Superior Player of The Match™ to further your evil goals bring football back to FIFA, and FIFA back to football.
